The (underrated) Perks of being a Person-Grower
There’s lots of great stuff about growing a person. The joy of new life, the free breast enlargement… we know about those things.
However! There were some perks I wasn’t expecting, and this is a shortlist of my favourites.
1. The free cup holder
Only downside of this is that it’s a tiny bit faulty… every now and then the cup holder seems to kick cups away.
2. The licence to vigorously face-stuff
“Eat more, you must be hungry all the time!”
I am hungry all the time, but that was also the case pre-person-growing. The real difference is that now I can shovel in as much as I want without people being quite as shocked.
3. The kindred spirits
I don’t believe in soul mates – unless you count Anne Shirley’s definition of ‘kindred spirits’*. When you’re person-growing, kindred spirits pop up everywhere – it’s a life-affirming, humanity-affirming situation to be in and it’s shown me stunning sides of friendships I hadn’t glimpsed before.
4. The upgrade from lollipops
Remember when doctors used to give you a lollipop if you were brave? For some reason, that stopped happening to me years ago. Some cop-out about ‘being too old’ or some such nonsense, I don’t know. However, I heard a rumour that they make an exception for people with bellies like mine … only instead of a lollipop, they give you a small person at your last appointment. A small person!!
So they should though, really. After all the lollipops I’ve missed out on, they owe me something good.
*If you don’t know who Anne Shirley is, shame on you! Get yourself to a second-hand bookshop and read Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery.