four poems

elephant tea party

the tea room is actually pretty big,
it just feels small because it’s full of elephants.
the elephants sit in a circle, silent.
you sit in the middle,
tinkering with a teapot,
two teacups,

he says:                “tea always tastes better when someone else makes it I reckon”
you say:               “I prefer to make mine myself so I get it just right”

so you make both cups,
which both suits and annoys
each in roughly equal measure
and you watch the bottom of your cup as you drink,
because then you don’t have to look at the elephants.


penny pigs

Two women sit in a room.

The older, happier woman sits on a chair that says, “Trust Me”.

The younger, sadder one sits on a couch that says, “Relax Please”.

The happier woman opens her mouth, and the sadder one watches as the ceiling opens up and starts to rain coins.

Each coin falls perfectly into the slot of a money tin pig.

(There are money tin pigs are all over the carpet.)

Some of the pigs have happy faces, some sad ones, and there must have been a mix up at the money tin pig factory because some have a happy face painted over a sad one, making them look angry and a bit deranged.

But every pig also looks slightly relieved, finally daring to hope:

Maybe they’re destined for something other than bacon.


father son crossword

The Man looks at his newspaper and says, “Twenty across. Four letters. Something that all people fear.”

the boy quietly says “mr jones’s zip”.

The Man looks at the boy.

the boy looks at The Man.

The Man says, “Don’t be ridiculous. I said four letters.”



this is funny:


while I’m waiting for the microwave to warm up my food,

I often watch the timer count down

and think about death.

specifically, about how it’s coming at the same pace as the two minute noodles.

one second closer at every change of numbers.

and then the microwave goes “BEEEEEEEP”

and I sit on my butt and eat my two minute noodles,

maybe scroll through my twitter feed,

drink the chicken-salty water afterwards


i think that’s funny